


Laughing Eyes

by myoldsupernaturalaccount



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Hooker, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, bottom!Jensen, top!Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-11
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-09 19:24:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/457491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myoldsupernaturalaccount/pseuds/myoldsupernaturalaccount
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Jared's eighteenth birthday, his friends take him to a gay club. That's where he meets Jen, the whore with the beautiful lips and the laughing eyes, and that's when his life changes for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Birthday, Jared

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is very heavily based on a roleplay I did with gingerfiction.tumblr.com, so a large portion of the plot credit goes to her.

Jared is going to kill someone. He’s not sure who needs killing, since he doesn’t know which of his buddies decided that a club was a good location for his 18th birthday - his money is on Chad, but he can’t really know for sure. More importantly, he doesn’t know whose idea it was for them to go to the only club in town that advertises itself as for “alternative sexualities.” Jared’s not exactly in the closet, but he doesn't advertise his sexuality either, and he's flushed with embarrassment as they stand outside the club, flashing their IDs at the bouncer as they get ushered inside.

At first, he’s overwhelmed by the lights and pounding bass beat, but Chad drags him over to a booth and sits him down right on the edge, where they have a good view of the dance floor. That’s when Jared sees _him_. He can’t be much older than them, his build slender, his lips - God, his lips - plump and gorgeous, his movements graceful like some kind of predatory cat. He’s wearing too-tight pants that cling in all the right places, and a shirt that’s nearly off it’s so far unbuttoned. Jared even catches a glimpse of nipple as the boy turns to talk to someone.

He just about dies when the boy flashes him a grin and starts over.

“Hey,” he greets, almost a purr, walking right up into Jared’s space and running a hand down his front. His eyes gaze travels slowly down Jared’s front, lingering on the bulge in his jeans. Jared blushes. “Wanna dance?”

Jared’s mouth is too dry to reply, but Chad shoves him out of the booth and answers for him in the affirmative. Jared stumbles to his feet and rubs his palms on his jeans, licking his lips and swallowing hard. He didn’t expect the guy to be almost as tall as him. That doesn’t happen often.

“Hi,” he finally manages, but the quiet sound gets completely overwhelmed by the thump of the music. The other boy just smirks, hooking his fingers in Jared’s belt loops and hauling him forward. They press through the crowd until they’re right up by the speakers, forced chest to chest, and Jared marvels that the boy is almost his height – that doesn’t happen often. Then he feels a firm bulge against his thigh and it’s not his height he’s marveling over.

He thinks he catches the boy smirking again, but it’s hidden in the flashing strobe light on the dance floor. What he does catch is the boy’s skill at dancing, his sensual, sinuous movements making Jared feel bumbling by comparison. There are hands sliding all over his chest, up his dark tee and down to the vee where his jeans hang low on his hips. Jared starts at that, but the boy runs his hands back up, this time under the hem of his shirt, and his hands are hot on his skin. “You’re sexy,” the boy murmurs in his ear, then nips at the lobe, and Jared just about melts.

“U-uh, thanks, you’re uh, you’re hot…too,” Jared stammers, less than eloquent. The boy laughs, a low rumble, and Jared feels it shoot straight to his groin.

“Let’s get out of here,” comes the suggestion, and Jared can’t agree fast enough. He’s hard as a rock and can’t believe how lucky he is as he follows blindly where the boy leads, through the crowds to the very back of the club and into a tiny supply closet, lit by a swinging, yellowed, bare bulb. The boy yanks the door shut behind them and crowds Jared up against it, grinding forward on his thigh, and Jared groans, winding his fingers in the boy’s hair and impulsively pulling him in for a hard kiss. Jared’s heart is pounding in his throat when the boy breaks the kiss, forcing his hand between them to palm at the teen’s crotch.

“What d’you want me to do to you?” the boy asks, a hoarse whisper against Jared’s parted lips.

“Wh-what do I…what?” Jared pants, all of the blood in his body definitely _not_ in his brain, his hands dragging down the slim sides of the boy’s torso. He doesn’t seem very intent on letting Jared think, either, his mouth all over Jared’s neck, hand kneading at his cock.

“What do you want me to do to you?” he repeats slowly, clearly, and flicks his tongue out at the soft underside of Jared’s jaw.

Jared’s breath catches and he grabs at the substantial bulge in the other teen’s pants, their hands bumping clumsily together. The boy chuckles, smirking.

“I don’t think you can afford that, kid,” he murmurs, grinding forward despite his words.

Jared immediately yanks back his hand like it’s been burned. “Can’t…afford…huh?”

The boy stares at him for a moment, then starts laughing. “Oh man, you didn’t…? Lemme guess, you’re from the ‘burbs. First time at a club that doesn’t have ‘country’ in the name.”

“I...my friends took me...I haven't been...” Jared mumbles, his face flaming red. God, he’s such a sucker. Of course this gorgeous kid, this freaking _God_ wouldn’t actually be interested in him. “I should go,” he manages, pushing past the boy - whore - fumbling for the doorknob with shaking hands.

“No, kid, wait a sec,” the boy sighs, planting a hand on the door to stop Jared from leaving.

“I don’t have any money,” Jared replies mechanically. He keeps staring down at the doorknob, although he’s stopped trying to turn it. He’s still shaking with his intense embarrassment.

“Forget about the money,” he returns, voice soft and honeyed, placing a hand on Jared’s hip to turn him. “Brag to your friends later that I didn’t even charge you.”

“But…why?” Jared asks, frowning in confusion, going where the boy guides him, but slowly, reluctantly.

He smirks, leaning in so his lips brush the shell of Jared’s ear. “Let’s just say I have a thing for virgins.”

“I’m not a virgin,” Jared tells him honestly. He isn’t. He’s just never had sex with a guy.

The boy looks him over with a raised eyebrow. “Uh huh. Lemme guess, missionary in the dark? No, don’t answer that.” He runs his free hand down Jared’s chest, resting it on his other hip, and presses him back against the door. “You’re cute,” he mutters in Jared’s ear as he pushes up the hem of his shirt again.

Jared’s breath is coming fast and shallow. “I-I am?”

He laughs softly, grinding his thigh forward against Jared’s crotch. “Yeah, you are.”

Jared can’t quite wrap his head around someone as beautiful as this boy calling him anything good. “B-but you’re…you’re gorgeous,” he manages, and the boy laughs again.

“Thanks, kid, but you know what I’m pretty sure is more gorgeous?”

Jared shakes his head, and he feels soft damp lips against his ear again. “Your dick,” he murmurs, and before Jared can fully register what’s happening, the boy’s on his knees in front of him and he’s undoing Jared’s fly with quick, sure fingers. He nearly collapses against the door, grabbing for the handle to give him some stability.

“Oh God,” he almost whimpers as there’s a hot, open mouth pressed against his cock through his boxers, and his hips rock forward instinctively. He feels a low rumble of a laugh against the sensitive flesh. “Wait,” Jared pleads, putting a hand to the boy’s temple. “Wait, just…what’s your name?”

The boy laughs again, almost in disbelief. Jared wonders if he’s the first to ask. “Why do you care?”

Jared licks his lips and shrugs. “I just…curious.” It feels wrong to get his dick sucked by a guy whose name he doesn’t even know is the real reason, but it sounds dumb even in his head.

He’s silent for a while, licking thoughtfully up Jared’s bulge and sending his knees buckling again. “Guys in the alley call me Jenny Thunder,” he answers finally, glancing up at Jared for a moment before starting to tug down the elastic of his briefs.

“Can I call you Jen?” Jared blurts out, flushed with embarrassment and arousal in equal parts.

“Sure, whatever gets you hard,” Jen shrugs, immediately wrapping his sinful lips around the head of Jared’s cock and humming in what Jared hopes to God is pleasure, because it’s certainly bringing _him_ pleasure.

“Jared,” he gasps, clutching at Jen’s gelled hair. “My name’s Jared.” He thinks the boy laughs again, but he can’t tell, and he doesn’t really care to tell, not with the wet heat of Jen’s mouth completely enveloping him. He’s moaning and whining and panting and shameless within thirty seconds, and he can only take a few minutes of Jen’s beautiful, talented mouth before his stomach and balls tighten and he comes hard down his throat.

Jen pulls away while Jared’s head is still swimming, and he has a faint, amused smile on his face, along with a drip of cum on his lower lip. Jared swallows hard. “Y-you have a…”

“Hm?” Jen hums, blinking innocently. He runs his fingers over his bottom lip and raises his eyebrows in obviously feigned surprise when they come away sticky. “Well, how ‘bout that.” With a playful glance up at Jared, he licks his fingers clean, and then slides them in his mouth to suck them. Jared nearly comes a second time.

Apparently bored of teasing now, Jen gets to his feet and pats Jared on the ass. “All right, Country Club, get back to your friends,” he says.

“Wait,” Jared protests as he clumsily tucks himself away. “I want…I mean, you’re still…” He gestures down at the bulge in Jen’s pants.

Jen’s eyes widen in what appears to be genuine surprise. “You wanna…what? Get me off?”

Jared nods.

Jen laughs, seemingly disbelieving. “You’re too cute to be real,” he chuckles, then nods. “Okay, fine. Show me what you got.” He backs away, giving Jared room to go to his knees. Jared doesn’t do that, however. He grabs Jen’s hips and switches their positions, hands going to fumble Jen’s fly clumsily open, heart beating a thousand beats a minute. He hears Jen gasp in his ear and he smiles nervously, even planting a soft kiss on the older boy’s neck.

“This is okay, right?” he confirms, wanting to make sure he’s doing okay. Jen nods as he tilts his head back in a laugh.

“Yeah, kid, it’s great, just…shit, don’t be gentle, okay? I’m not gonna break.”

That request makes Jared a little anxious but he nods, finally getting Jen’s cock out into the heated air of the tiny closet and wrapping his hand around it. It can’t be much different from jacking himself off, he thinks. Just a slightly different angle. He’s got this. Before he starts, though, he pulls his hand away again to spit into his palm – not being gentle doesn’t mean he’s not going to be courteous.

“You just have big everything, don’t you?” Jen chuckles breathily, eyes flicking to Jared’s hands. “I like it.” Jared manages a faint smile and wraps his fingers around Jen, starting to jack him slowly. He tries not to be hesitant and ensures his grip is firm as he works the shaft and picks up speed. “That’s it,” Jen whispers. “Fuck, yeah.”

Encouraged, Jared jacks him harder and faster. It’s rough and inelegant and fairly artless but it seems to do the job, as within a few minutes Jen is grabbing his shoulder in an almost bruising grip and coming in his hand. The mess is hot and sticky and he bites his lip as he glances around the room for some way to clean up. “Here, just…” Jen sighs impatiently, catching Jared’s wrist in his own hand and licking up the cum. Jared’s eyes widen: it’s unquestionably the dirtiest thing he’s ever done, or had done to him. Jen’s accusations of missionary in the dark were pretty dead on. When his palm is damp only with saliva, not semen, Jen drops it and winks at him.

“All right, Country Club. Back to your friends, go on,” he urges, sidling around Jared, freeing up the doorway for him to exit.

Jared pauses though, a faint flush on his cheeks. “Will I see you again?” he asks tentatively. His blush deepens when Jen laughs at him.

“Sure, kid, whatever. You know where to find me,” Jen replies, tone teasing but not malicious, and Jared grins. “Now get out.”

Jared stumbles backwards out of the closet, a goofy smile on his face, and after one last glance at Jen, he trips across the dance floor to where Chad will no doubt want to hear every gory detail…details which Jared has decided to keep for himself.


	2. Another Birthday?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared goes back to the club, because he's just that stubborn.

It’s a week almost to the hour since Jared got the blowjob of his life in the back closet of the club, and he can’t believe he’s gone back there, looking for Jen. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the boy with the beautiful lips and the laughing eyes.

It isn’t until he’s scouting the room, looking for Jen, that it occurs to him just what he might find Jen doing. His fears are confirmed when he spots Jen, up against a wall, hands all over some other guy.

 _Shit_ , Jared thinks, berating himself for being so dumb. He's about to leave when he catches Jen’s eye, and then his heart stops. He sees Jen’s lips part, seemingly in surprise, then the man follow his gaze over to where Jared’s standing. The man scowls, backing away from Jen, and snaps something at him that Jared can’t hear over the pounding bass. Jen’s eyes narrow and he shoots something back as he crosses his arms. The man kicks at the ground, shoots a dirty look at Jared, and stomps away.

His absence gives Jared the courage to walk over to Jen, who frowns at him.

“What the hell are you doing here, kid?” he asks sharply. “Have another birthday or something?” Jen’s already walking away from him, towards the alley door. Jared trots after.

“No, I just wanted to see you,” Jared says, voice raised to carry over the music.

“Well, you saw me. And you cost me a job. Nice work.” Jen shoves his way out of the building, and Jared barely catches the heavy door as he follows Jensen into the cooler night air. The alley is dingy and narrow, filled with bags of trash and shallow puddles, and Jared picks his way around them as he tries to keep up with Jen.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “I didn’t mean to. I can…I have money, I can make up for your loss.”

Jen turns to look at him then, one eyebrow arched while the other draws down. “I don’t need your fuckin’ charity,” he snaps, clearly insulted, and he exits the alley to stand with a gaggle of women in short skirts and fishnet tops. Jared watches, speechless, as a car pulls up to the corner and the women change their posture, trying to appeal to the man in the driver’s seat. Jen, too, assumes a posture, his thumbs hooked in the belt loops of his thin, tight jeans, but the man gestures to a slim brunette, who winks back at the other girls before climbing into the car. “Fuck,” Jen curses, pacing away from the corner.

Jared feels unbelievably out of place. He misses the Jen from the previous week, who was playful and tender. He wonders how much of that was just an act. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, and Jen turns to look at him with a critical eye.

“Why?”

Jared fidgets. “Because I messed it up. I guess I’ll just uh…” He gestures towards the club.

Jen sighs and shakes his head. “No, don’t. You don’t belong there. C’mon, I know a better place. Down the block. Burger joint, I’m pals with the guy who owns it, gives me free food a lot.” Without waiting for Jared’s response – a wide smile, it turns out – Jen turns on his heel and starts down the sidewalk. Jared jogs a few paces to catch up.

The burger place is old and looks almost as out of place as Jared, although in a different way. Though surrounded by sturdy brick buildings, it sits alone on an otherwise empty lot, a trailer-styled diner sided with corrugated metal and resting on cracked pavement, with a long bank of windows looking out onto the dark streets. There’s a single man sitting in a booth at the far end, but apart from him the diner appears empty. Jared likes the look of the place immediately.

“Hey, Sid!” Jen calls as they enter, and a slightly sweaty middle-aged man comes out of the kitchen behind the long counter, wiping his hands on a rag.

“What is it, kid?” the man asks, raising an eyebrow at the two boys. Jen holds up two fingers in a vee and Sid disappears into the back for less than thirty seconds – barely enough time for Jared to take a seat on one of the vinyl-covered barstools and pick at a flake of dried ketchup clinging to the edge of the counter – before coming back with two red plastic baskets, lined in waxed paper and filled to the brim with fries and greasy burgers. He slides them across the counter to them, and Jen immediately starts chowing down. Jared raises his eyebrows at his enthusiasm, but when he gets a taste of his own burger, he at least somewhat understands Jen’s haste.

“Whoa, these are awesome!” Jared exclaims. Jen grins a little around his burger and nods. “How’d you find this place?”

Jen shrugs and doesn’t bother to finish chewing before he responds. “Sid was a client. Is, sometimes. It’s why I get the free food.”

Jared swallows and nods, not sure how to feel about that. He can see Sid still, back at the griddle, and it’s weird to think of Jen… _with_ him. “Oh,” he says finally, picking at his fries.

“It’s no big deal,” Jen says around another mouthful. “Just life. So what the fuck were you doin’ back in the city?”

“I told you, I wanted to see you, and it was the only way I knew how to find you,” Jared replies. Jen scoffs disbelievingly, even though it isn’t the first time Jared’s said it.

“Yeah, well, don’t. Don’t go to the club anymore, don’t come looking for me, alright?” Jen insists, rolling his eyes and swallowing a chunk of cheeseburger. “Kid like you could get messed up in a place like this.”

“I’m not a kid, I can handle myself,” Jared protests, half pouting, staring down at his half-eaten burger. Honestly, he’s not sure that he really can – physically, yeah, but there’s a whole new social dimension to this part of town that he doesn’t have a hope in hell of understanding.

Jen shrugs. “Whatever you say,” he mutters, then falls silent, finishing off his meal in record time. Jared wonders off-handedly when the last time Jen ate was, but the older boy is shoving back his basket and getting to his feet before Jared can finish the thought (or his fries).

“Hey, wait,” Jared says quickly as he scrambles to his own feet, tripping over himself a little in his haste to follow Jen out the door of the diner.

“I gotta get back to work,” Jen says, rolling his eyes as he turns to face Jared again, arms crossed firmly against his chest. Jared notices that he can see his nipples though the thin white fabric of his tee and he averts his eyes, which is dumb, since clearly Jen is intending to show off his body.

“Okay, yeah, that’s totally cool, but could I maybe…like…have your number?” Jared asks, lips quirking up into a hopeful smile. Jen stares at him blankly for a moment, then laughs.

“That’s real cute, Country Club, but I don’t have a phone.”

Jared feels like a total moron and he ducks his head a hair, shoulders rising apologetically. “Oh. Sorry. But how can I…? I want to see you again.”

Jen snorts, but it’s less in amusement than annoyance. “I ain’t your boyfriend. Quit this crap before you get hurt. Go find some other white bread suburban kid and hold hands at the museum and shit.”

A car pulls up behind Jen and Jared can hear the engine idling loudly in the empty streets. “I don’t want that, though,” Jared protests. “I want to know _you_.”

The older boy sighs heavily and runs his fingers through his gelled hair, leaving it sticking up in their wake. “Why? Just because I gave you a blow job? I could be some crazy-ass junkie, or like…a damn serial killer or something. You don’t wanna know me, kid, trust me. Just come back with twenty bucks and you can fuck my mouth again and get over yourself.”

Jared vehemently shakes his head in response. “No, I don’t care about the physical stuff, that’s not it.”

“I care about the physical stuff,” a man calls from the idling vehicle. “Hey, honey, how much?”

Jen glances back at Jared for a moment, expression unreadable, then saunters over to the car, leaning over the window with one hand braced on the hood. “Seventy five with a glove, hundred twenty bareback,” he says smoothly, his normal smirk back in place.

The man laughs dryly. “Yeah, sure. Get in, we’ll talk about it on the way.”

Jared flushes and swallows back a lump in his throat. “Yeah, okay, I get it. Thanks for the burger,” he mumbles, barely loud enough for Jen to hear, and shoves his hands in his pockets, walking back towards the bus station. He hears Jen laugh – at him, probably, at the naïve, stupid high school kid – and then the slamming of the car door and the roar of its engine as the dickface who picked up Jen drives away with him.

He’s only at the bus stop for a few minutes when Sid comes out of the diner and stands next to him, hands in his pockets. “Saw what happened with Jen,” the man grunts. “You’re not the first to come ‘round here, fall in love with him.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Jared denies quickly. “It’s just a dumb crush.” He stares down at some dried gum on the concrete, jaw set.

“So just get on that bus and go home, ‘cause ain’t nothing gonna come of it.”

Jared nods, still gazing at the ground. “Well, that was the plan.” He’s silent for a long moment, then glances up at Sid. “I know it’s a long shot, like, a really long long shot, but d’you think if I gave you my number, you could see if maybe he’d call me?”

“He ain’t gonna call ya,” Sid says immediately. He looks up at the dark sky, then down to the pavement, then back to Jared. He sighs. “Can’t hurt, though.”

The teen laughs in relieved delight. “D’you have a pen and paper?” he asks, and Sid hands him the order pad sticking out of his apron pocket. Jared carefully writes the digits of his phone number, going over each one several times to ensure it’s as clear as possible. He doesn’t want to miss out on Jen just because of his messy handwriting. When he’s satisfied with his handiwork he gives Sid the pad back. “Thanks,” he says. “Even if it’s pointless and he never calls…thanks.”

Sid waves him off. “Just don’t get your hopes up kid, okay? He doesn’t do whatever it is you want him to do. I’d be doin’ you a favor if I told you to just screw off.”

“I wouldn’t even if you told me,” Jared admits with a small smile.

“Great, another stubborn one,” Sid grumbles, but it’s not unkind, and he pats Jared on the shoulder.

“So what d’you think my chances are?” Jared asks him, glancing over at the older man.

“Chances of what? Him letting you sweep him off his feet and stop turnin’ tricks and have one of those houses with shutters and a picket fence?”

Jared flushes in embarrassment. “No, I just mean like…a date.”

“Well,” Sid says thoughtfully. “Jen’s never been on a date, long as I’ve known him. So I’d probably say somewhere between not good and not a chance in hell.” When Jared’s face falls, Sid sighs. “Look. For what it’s worth, I’m rootin’ for you. But Jen’s a stubborn bastard. If you’re dead set on this, you gotta be a stubborn bastard to. Stay outta the club, ‘cause that place is trouble, but you’re always welcome in the diner.”

The squeal of breaks announces the arrival of the bus, and Jared digs a few quarters out of his pocket with shaking hands. “Thanks,” he says to Sid with a grateful grin. “Really, thanks. And your burgers are amazing. Like, seriously, best I ever had.”

Sid gives a loud belly laugh. “Just for that, next time you come in, burger’s on the house.”

Jared’s grin widens. “Well, thanks again. For everything. And you’ll probably see me next week.” He gives the bus driver his fare and takes a seat, waving at Sid out the window as the bus pulls slowly away from the curb. When he can’t see him anymore, Jared drops his head back against the hard blue plastic of his seat. He doesn’t want to go home. He wants to chase after Jen and…God knows what. Kiss him again? Talk to him? Everything?

Yeah, Jared decides, “everything” just about covers it.


	3. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared gets the phone call he's been waiting for.

Jared’s barely let his phone out of his sight for the last three days. He even takes it in the bathroom when he showers and leaves it on the counter by the sink. He takes it running with him, to study groups, and sleeps with the ring on high just in case Jen calls. He’s lying on his bed half-asleep watching late-night TV when it finally rings, and he lunges for it, nearly falling off the bed in his haste. He punches the answer button and holds the phone up to his ear. “Hello?” he gasps, breathing hard from exertion.

“Uh…Jared?”

He couldn’t ever forget that velvet voice, and his face breaks out into a wide grin. “Jen! Hey! You actually…I can’t believe you actually called!”

Jen doesn’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as Jared, but he fancies that he can hear a smile in the older boy’s voice. “Didn’t really expect you to answer. Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

“I’m eighteen, dude, not eight,” Jared chuckles, rolling back onto the bed and muting the TV.

“You mean your buddies didn’t mean to bring you to the playground and found the club by mistake?”

Jared is well aware that Jen is making fun of him, but he laughs anyway, so glad to hear his voice that he doesn’t care. “Yeah, well.”

There’s a long silence, then Jensen speaks again. “So…”

“Why’d you call?” Jared can’t help asking. “I thought you were like…done with me.”

“Can’t be done if I never got started. Sid uh. Sid kinda made me call.”

Jared huffs a laugh. “So it’s just ‘cause of him?”

“No, it’s ‘cause I’m madly in love,” Jen says flatly. Jared can practically hear him rolling his eyes and he flushes.

“Don’t do that, I’m actually curious,” he says.

He hears Jen sigh. “I figured…why not, I guess. And like I said. Sid made me do it. Plus corrupting some fancy-pants country club kid might be fun.”

“I’m really okay with you corrupting me,” Jared responds, a little too eagerly.

Jen chuckles dryly and Jared grins at the sound, happy to be entertaining him. “I don’t get you, kid. Why the hell d’you wanna chat with a hooker? You probably live in some gorgeous fuckin’ house with your own wing and a TV in your bedroom and like a jacuzzi and shit. I just…I don’t get it.”

“I want to chat with a guy named Jen who I met and wanna get to know. Your job has nothing to do with it,” Jared insists, voice softening.

“Only reason we met was ‘cause of my job,” Jen points out.

“But…” Jared sighs. “That’s not what I…”

“Look,” Jensen cuts him off. “You don’t wanna know me. It’s sweet as pie that you think you do, but you don’t. I’ve _done_ shit. Bad shit. You don’t wanna get mixed up in that, trust me.”

“I don’t care about what you’ve done, and you can’t tell me what I do and don’t want,” Jared insists. His jaw is set stubbornly. “Only _I_ know what I want.”

There’s a muffled grumbling from the other end of the line, then static, the shift of fabric over the mouthpiece, and finally a long-suffering sigh. “So what d’you want then?”

“I want to know you,” Jared repeats. “Like, maybe a date?”

“No,” Jen says immediately. “No, no way, I don’t do dates.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re fuckin’ dumb as shit.”

Jared bites back a retort. “Then we could just…hang out? I mean, I don’t even know your real name, or how old you are, or where you’re from.”

“You know my nickname. You know I’m older than you. As far as you need to know, I’m from the club. There.”

“I’m Jared Padalecki, I’m eighteen, I moved here about four years ago but I was born in Texas,” Jared says, ignoring Jen’s acerbic replies.

Jared hears a soft thump – probably Jen’s head falling back against the wall. “Where in Texas?” Jen asks, sounding much more bored than interested. Jared smiles anyway.

“San Antonio,” he answers. There’s a moment of silence, then Jen clears his throat.

“Dallas,” he mutters.

“Yeah? I have family in Dallas,” Jared replies easily. “Why’d you move up here?”

Jen doesn’t miss a beat. “Got kicked out.”

Jared bites his lip. “That sucks.” It feels like a pretty intense understatement, but he doesn’t want to sound like he’s pitying Jen.

“That’s what happens when you blow one of your teachers and people find out.”

Jared’s jaw drops open, but he quickly composes himself. “Oh. Wow. That’s um. Actually kind of badass. I mean, the raciest thing I’ve done is stealing one of Dad’s beers.”

Jen snorts. “Yeah, you live on the edge.”

“Sometimes I even skip class,” Jared confides. “Well, once.”

“You’re a real rebel,” Jen replies flatly.

“What do you do? Like for hobbies?”

“Uh,” Jen mutters, obviously thrown by Jared’s question. Jared didn’t mean to confuse him or anything – he’s just eager to know as much as he can about the older boy. “Needlepoint.”

“Really?” Jared’s eyebrows fly up.

“No, not really,” Jen snorts. “I uh. I dunno.”

“Do you like…read or watch movies or anything?” Jared prompts.

“I read sometimes, like comic books and stuff. Movies when I can afford a ticket or a rental.”

“D’you like Watchmen?” Jared asks. “It’s one of my favorites.”

“Yeah, that shit’s pretty cool,” Jen agrees, sounding a little more interested in the conversation. “I like Batman most though.”

Jared grins, leaning back against his pillows. “Love Batman. When I was little, I decided I was going to be him when I grew up.”

“Hell no. I’m Batman. I’m older than you. I called dibs,” Jen says stubbornly.

Jared laughs. “Fine, you can be Batman. I kinda had a crush on him, too, once I got older, so I guess that works out.”

Jen is silent for a long moment. “Yeah. About that. Look, you gotta stop the crush thing. The most you’re gonna get outta me is fuck buddies, and you still gotta pay for that. Got it?”

Jared is unperturbed. He’s getting used to Jen’s gruff denial of anything to do with feelings. “Yeah, I got it. Look, d’you wanna grab dinner again some night? Maybe catch a movie? Doesn’t have to be a date, just hangin’ out.”

Jen sighs, almost a groan. “Did you just like, totally ignore everything I just said?”

“Is that a no?”

“No, that’s a…fuck, I dunno.”

Jared grins hopefully, as if Jen can see how eager he is, praying that will help. Eventually Jen sighs once more.

“Yeah. Okay. We can get burgers again. Not Sid’s place, don’t want you in that part of town. Some other joint. But that’s it. Just burgers. And if you call it a date I leave.”

“Totally! Anything you want,” Jared agrees instantly. He’s smiling from ear to ear just at the prospect. “Wanna say Friday at seven at the Thunderbird Diner? It’s a little closer to my part of town.”

“Sure, whatever,” Jen says. Jared can practically hear his shrug, but he doesn’t care – he’s seeing Jen again! “See you then. Bye.” Before Jared has a chance to respond, Jen hangs up.

Jared lets out a whoop and punches his fist into the air. He doesn’t care what Jen says. It’s totally a date.


	4. Not-A-Date and Not-A-Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not a date, they don't have a moment, and Jared won't shut up about feelings.

The not-a-date goes off without a hitch. Well, more or less. Jen’s a little late, and the burgers are a little overcooked, and there are a few awkward pauses in the conversation – but Jared quickly learns to just get Jen talking about Batman or music and everything will pick right up again. He even gets Jen to smile once or twice, and they’re real smiles, not wry smirks. Jared’s on cloud nine.

Jen even walks him home, claiming that he doesn’t want some psycho coming out of nowhere and killing Jared with an axe or something because he was the one seen last with him and no way is he going to jail again. Jared laughs but happily accepts the escort.

“Well, thanks for hanging out with me,” Jared says finally as they stand at his door. “I had an awesome time.” He smiles shyly and barely touches the back of Jen’s hand with his fingertips. He wants to kiss Jen and complete the night, but he’s still shy around the older boy, and he shoves his hands into his pockets awkwardly, scuffing his toe on the step. Jen shrugs, seemingly unaffected by the awkwardness.

“Yeah, it was okay,” he agrees. He glances over at the empty driveway, then back to Jared, a tiny smirk flirting with the corners of his lips. “Your parents home?”

Jared shakes his head, a tiny line of confusion appearing between his eyebrows. “No, they’re gone until Sunday,” he says. Jen’s smirk widens and he moves closer, putting his hand on the doorframe beside Jared’s head as he brushes his lips over his jaw. Jared flushes across his cheekbones and leans into Jen’s lips despite himself, one hand tentatively alighting on Jen’s hip. He’s not sure if this is a turn for the better or a turn for the more expensive.

“Good,” Jen whispers in Jared’s ear, breath hot on his skin, pressing Jared up against the door. “I hate having to be quiet.” Before Jared can respond, Jen has a hand on his crotch.

“W-wait,” Jared gasps, worming away under Jen’s arm. “I don’t think…I mean, I don’t really…”

Jen immediately frowns. He backs away and crosses his arms, staring Jared down. “You don’t want what?”

“I mean…I do want, I really want, just…not tonight?” Jared tries. He bites his lip. “I mean, why hurry through it? I want more than this. I don’t just want sex.”

Jen looks utterly perplexed, then he rolls his eyes, shaking the confusion off like rather unpleasant confetti. “Lemme guess. Sex cheapens it. Whatever. Your loss.” He turns abruptly and starts down the driveway.

Jared feels slightly sick – he never wanted to turn Jen down like that. He just wants to do this right, be different from the other men Jen fucks. “Wait,” he calls, running after him, and grabs his shoulders and spins him around to kiss him soundly on the lips. After a moment he pulls away, looking to Jen for a reaction and finding none. If anything, he just looks more frustrated.

“The hell was that?” he gripes. Jared turns red with embarrassment, totally sure he messed up.

“Sorry, I just…never mind. Sorry,” he mumbles.

Jen huffs a sigh and looks down. “Are you fuckin’ scared of me, kid?”

“No,” Jared denies, then he licks his lips and darts his gaze down to Jen’s hand where he’s picking at lint on his jeans. “Maybe a little.”

“So why the hell d’you keep trying?”

Jared opens his mouth to answer, looking up at Jen, then closes it again. “Because…I want to,” he returns lamely. “I like you.”

Jen groans and steps back, running a hand through stiff, gelled hair. “You keep saying that, but I don’t fuckin’ get it! In my line of work, you don’t like somebody, you fuck ‘em, so you’d think if you actually _wanted_ to fuck somebody you’d just do it, not pussy around.”

“But I don’t want to be just another fuck to you,” Jared protests. He moves forward, back into Jen’s space. The older boy hits a tree when he tries to get away again.

They stare at each other for a while, Jared’s gaze pleading and Jen’s harsh, and finally after a few endless seconds Jen’s face softens and he looks down at the ground, kicking at an exposed root. “Since your folks ain’t home, think I could crash here for the night?” he asks, his eyes focused on his feet. Jared would be lying if he said he wasn’t thrown by the abrupt subject change. “Just realized I don’t have money for the bus.”

Jared can’t help smiling a little, just a little, because this is exactly what he wanted. “Yeah,” he replies quietly. He reaches out and touches Jen’s wrist. “No problem. You want something to drink? I only have water and orange juice, but…” He shrugs and laces his fingers with Jen’s, ignoring how the other boy startles. “Come on inside.” His smile widens as he turns to walk back into the house, Jen’s hand in his own, because Jen follows after and doesn’t even try to pull his hand away.

His house is attractively decorated but not pretentious. His parents always favored understated décor, preferring function to form. As such, their furniture is classic and comfortable, and although it clearly cost money, it whispers its expense rather than screams it. Jen stays close to Jared at first, which Jared doesn’t expect, but appreciates nonetheless. “Nice house,” Jen comments as they walk through the foyer to the living room. It’s large and spacious, and there’s an antique upright piano against one of the interior walls. Jen drops Jared’s hand and wanders over to it, plunking out a few notes on the yellowed keys, smiling vaguely.

“Thanks,” Jared says finally as he watches Jen explore. “So uh, did you want a drink or what?” He heads into the kitchen, planning to get something for himself at the very least.

“Water,” Jen calls back. Jared hears his random notes turn into a tune, and then some quiet chords beneath it. He grabs two bottles of water from the fridge and comes back to Jensen playing a real song, one of those sweet little ditties everyone knows but no one knows the name of.

“I didn’t know you could play piano,” Jared says with barely concealed delight, sliding onto the piano bench beside Jen. He immediately pulls his hands away and takes the water from Jared, face unreadable.

“I don’t really play,” Jen shrugs, staring down at his bottle as he unscrews the cap and takes a swig. “I just kinda messed around a lot when I was younger.”

Jared grins and sips at his own water. “More than I can do. My mom tried to teach me a bunch of times but I could never get the hang of it. I’m too clumsy,” he chuckles.

Jen nods and looks around the living room. He suddenly leaps to his feet and hurries over to the entertainment center. “Dude! You have a PS3?” He sets aside his bottle and starts leafing through the games.

“You wanna play?” Jared asks eagerly. “Most of my friends don’t like playing with me on account of me always winning.”

Jen snorts. “Yeah, okay, we’ll see about that,” he says. “Let’s do it.”

“Everything is best two out of three,” Jared tells him as he turns on the system and tosses Jen a controller. Jen catches it deftly and settles on the floor with his back against the couch. Jared flops down beside him, lanky limbs everywhere.

“And if I win, you sleep on the floor and I get your bed,” Jen smirks.

“I thought we’d share my bed,” Jared says, glancing over at Jen and biting his lip.

Jen’s smirk widens. “Maybe, if _you_ win,” he says.

Jared laughs and shakes his head. “All right, fine. You’re on.”

The third round decides Jared the winner. Jen doesn’t look particularly upset about it, though he still feels it necessary to reiterate that he doesn’t really get much of a chance to play video games.

“So what now?” Jen asks finally, setting his controller down and cracking his neck.

Jared shrugs, still smiling from his victory. “Dunno. What d’you want to do?”

“Fuck if I know,” Jen snorts. “I usually work on Saturdays.”

“That sucks,” Jared replies. His tone is light in an attempt to not sound like he’s really pitying Jen, just commiserating. “That you work on Saturdays, I mean. Glad you took the night off, though.”

“I’ll make up for it tomorrow,” Jen tells him. “Sundays are good for business. Lotsa bored housewives lookin’ for fun when they skip church.”

Jared feels his heart sink a little, and he sets his own controller down, picking at the carpet. “So you’ll be leaving early tomorrow,” he says, trying to keep the same light tone, but this time to hide his disappointment.

Jen shrugs and leans back against the couch. “Don’t see the point in stickin’ around.”

“I make killer waffles.”

“Yeah, well, if you wake up and I ain’t here tomorrow, don’t cry about it. Deal?”

“Deal,” Jared agrees, as if he has a choice. They’re silent for a long moment, the only noise in the room the faint strains of victory music from the TV. Jared eventually reaches for the remote and turns it off. “Jen?”

“Hm?”

“What’s your real name?”

The older boy exhales slowly and his head drops back. “You gotta swear not to laugh. And if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you. Got it?”

Jared nods immediately and rapidly.

Jen sighs again. “It’s uh. It’s Jensen.”

“Jensen,” Jared repeats slowly, rolling the sound over on his tongue, savoring how it feels. “I like it.”

“Jensen Ross Ackles,” he snorts. “Like some kinda fuckin’ business man.”

“I really like it,” Jared insists. He smiles. “I’m still gonna call you Jen, though.”

Jensen nods and gives him a small smile. “Yeah, thanks.”

Impulsively, Jared leans over and kisses Jensen, brief and soft. Jensen puts a hand to the side of Jared’s neck and holds him there, catching his lips more firmly to kiss him deeper and slower. Before Jared knows what’s hit him Jensen is crawling into his lap, straddling him, working his free hand up under Jared’s shirt to press against his skin. Jared remembers his earlier convictions against not having sex with Jensen that night, but they’re nebulous at best, and extremely hard to focus on when Jensen’s straddling his legs and touching his bare skin and kissing him that deeply. He makes a soft sighing sound into Jensen’s mouth and relaxes into the kiss, moving his hands to Jensen’s hips and pulling him up closer against him. His hands also dip under fabric to touch skin, and he’s amazed at how good Jensen feels to touch, how good it feels _being_ touched.

Jared doesn’t know how Jensen does it, but with a few clever touches and drags of his hands, he has Jared’s shirt coming off over his head and dropping to the floor beside him as plush, pink lips press against his throat, kissing hot and wet. On the one hand, Jared hopes he isn’t leaving marks behind, but on the other hand, it feels damn good, and he tilts his head back with a long sigh to give Jensen better access. “Oh God,” he breathes, hands sliding back over Jensen’s ass.

“Let me suck your cock again,” Jensen whispers in his ear. His hips rock forward against Jared’s lap and the teen bites back a gasp at the grinding of their cocks. Jared doesn’t have it in him to verbally refuse, but he doesn’t release Jensen – in fact, he pulls him closer so they grind together harder. Jensen’s exhalation is hot and shaky against Jared’s neck. “Fuck me, Jay,” he implores. “Fuck…want you bad.”

Jared mouths at Jensen’s neck for a moment, then nods and pulls away. “Okay,” he agrees, moving his hands away from Jensen’s hips. “Upstairs, c’mon, my bed.”

Jensen gives a low whine in protest. “Fuckin’ don’t make me walk.”

“But my condoms…they’re up there,” Jared insists, trying his best to move Jensen off his lap, and the older boy sighs and shifts back obligingly. When they both get to their feet, Jared pulls Jensen in for another kiss, palming at his crotch. He pops the button of Jensen’s fly, then bites back a grin and backs away before turning around and taking the stairs two at a time.

He hears Jensen laugh behind him, and he catches up to Jared at the top of the stairs, wrapping his arms around the teen’s waist and pulling him back against him, kissing at his neck as he undoes his jeans with practiced fingers. They stumble into Jared’s bedroom, up against the wall by the door, and Jared turns in Jensen’s arms to pull off his shirt and run his fingertips over the unfinished tattoo on Jensen’s hip, the black outline of a rose.

“Like it?” Jensen chuckles while Jared goes to his knees, kissing at the ink and pulling at Jensen’s jeans in an effort to get him undressed.

“Gorgeous,” Jared breathes against the hot skin. Jensen runs a hand through his shaggy hair. Jared likes it.

“You gonna suck my cock, Jay?” he asks, voice low and smooth. Jared hadn’t been planning on it, but he kind of likes the idea, and he looks up at Jensen with wide eyes as he nods. Jensen smirks. “Do you know how?”

Jared looks away, back to the bulge in front of him. He runs his hands up Jensen’s thighs, one thumb brushing up the length of Jensen’s cotton-covered cock. “I mean, in theory,” he replies softly. “I know what I like, so…”

“Just don’t use your teeth and don’t try to deep-throat. It ain’t rocket science.”

Nodding, Jared tugs Jensen’s boxer briefs free of his cock and pulls them low on his hips. He licks his lips and trails his fingers up the velvety shaft before flicking out his tongue over the slit. The hand in Jared’s hair tightens, which he takes as a good sign, and he wraps one hand around the base as he drops his jaw to take Jensen into his mouth. He feels bigger than he looks. After taking a few deep breaths, Jared begins to suck.

A low sound of approval comes from Jensen, throaty and heated. “Good, Jay…fuck, don’t be shy…”

Jared’s encouraged by his words, and he takes him deeper – not too deep, as per Jensen’s instructions – and flattens his tongue against the underside as he sucks more enthusiastically. The older boy’s reactions intensify. He pulls at Jared’s hair, moans, and cants his hips forward into Jared’s mouth, forcing him to pull back a little to keep from gagging. Jared loves the sounds he’s wringing from Jensen and he sucks harder, bobs his head, tightens his fist and does his best to move it in tandem with his mouth. Each tug of his hair causes him to moan around Jensen’s cock. Jensen puts his other hand on Jared’s face and brushes his thumb over where his cheek is stretched over his dick, then his fingers clench hard in Jared’s hair. “Jay, fucking Christ – don’t wanna come yet, want you to fuck me…shit!”

All but glowing with pride, Jared pulls off slowly with a sloppy wet pop, then licks his lips. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” he says, voice hoarse and wrecked from the blow job.

“Jay, that’s real sweet, but it doesn’t hurt,” Jensen promises, carding his fingers through Jared’s hair. “Just get a goddamn condom.”

“I-I also kinda…want to finger you,” Jared stutters as he gets to his feet. He doesn’t step back from Jensen, who smirks and pulls him in for a brief kiss.

“Maybe next time, kid,” he mutters against Jared’s mouth, and slips away to one side so he can lie down on his stomach on Jared’s bed. Jared’s heart soars at the mention of a ‘next time’ and he practically tears off his pants as he stumbles to his nightstand to grab a condom.

“Can I…on your back?” Jared asks slowly as he rips open the foil packet. “Face to face?”

Jensen turns over. He’s chuckling. “You are too fuckin’ cute.”

Jared blushes a little and, with shaking hands, rolls on the condom. He dubiously looks between Jensen’s legs. “Are you sure it’s okay to just…go?” Even as he asks, he’s dripping lube into his palm, slicking himself up despite the already lubricated condom.

“Seriously, dude, don’t fuckin’ worry about it. Think of it as a job perk. You sure that condom’s good?”

“Bought them a few weeks ago,” Jared confirms, running his hands up Jensen’s sides, impulsive but tender. Jensen snakes his arms around his neck and pulls him in for a slow, deep kiss, his tongue delving into Jared’s mouth as he wraps his legs around Jared to hold him close. The head of Jared’s cock butts up against Jensen’s entrance and he moans softly around Jensen’s tongue, resting his weight on his hands as he rocks his hips, pressing a little inside, incrementally deeper. Jensen gasps and his eyes drift shut – Jared sincerely hopes it’s in pleasure. He can’t help an answering groan, but pauses to catch a breath, circling his hips, waiting for Jensen to relax just a little more.

“Love your cock,” Jensen sighs. He arches his back, apparently trying to force Jared deeper.

Jared isn’t sure what to make of the…compliment?…and moves his hips forward again, still slow and gentle, reluctant to cause Jensen any discomfort. He’s not totally naïve: he knows there’s some inherent in this kind of sex. That’s why he feels the need to be gentle.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Jensen insists after a few long moments of Jared’s hesitation. “Go ahead, Jay, just fuck me, know you want to.”

God help him, Jared does. He really, really does. He moves slowly at first, getting used to the pull and drag, the intense pressure and tightness, always watching Jensen’s face for any sign of pain. He moans almost unconsciously as he begins to speed his hips, moving faster, thrusting deeper, pulling out further. The noises that Jensen makes are loud, unashamed, and pornographic, and Jared can’t be bothered to think about whether or not they’re genuine because he feels so _good_ and Jensen’s pulling at his hair again, dragging him down into a harsh kiss even as he forces a hand between them to wrap around the other man’s dick.

“I’m close, I’m fucking close,” Jared gasps into Jensen’s mouth as he jacks him. He scrapes his teeth along Jensen’s lower lip before dropping his mouth to his jaw and neck, biting and sucking hard while his climax begins to coil like a hot spring deep in his gut. Semen splashes against his stomach and chest and Jensen clenches tight around him and that’s it, that’s enough to send him flying over the edge into an earth-shattering orgasm.

There’s a long moment of silence where Jared drops his forehead to Jensen’s shoulder, panting lightly, and Jensen slackens his legs, letting them drop back to the bed.

“Holy fucking shit,” Jensen sighs.

“Understatement,” Jared gasps. He presses a kiss to the skin beneath his mouth. Jensen pushes a hand slowly through the younger boy’s hair, and Jared smiles.

“You can get the fifty bucks to me whenever,” Jensen says offhandedly. Jared’s eyes widen and his head snaps up, the words like a punch to the chest, and he’s unsure whether to be hurt or to laugh.

He settles for a slow breath, meeting Jensen’s gaze with his own, eyebrows drawn together in anxiety. “A-are you…?”

Jensen stares back, expression blank.

“Please tell me you’re kidding, right?” Jared begs quietly. Jensen’s face immediately relaxes into a sincere grin.

“I’m totally kidding. Jesus, I’m a skank, not a douchebag.”

Jared shows his relief by kissing Jensen, brief and fierce. “Thank God.”

“And…you weren’t lying about enjoying it, were you?” Jared asks, timid. Jensen laughs.

“Fuck no I wasn’t lying. You have a gorgeous dick.”

Jared grins and pulls out, moving away from Jensen only long enough to strip off the condom and throw it away before crawling back into bed with him and drawing the blanket over both of them. He presses a lazy kiss to Jensen’s neck.

“Feels weird not getting kicked outta bed right after,” Jensen comments. His voice is soft, but it doesn’t seem sad, just thoughtful. Jared doesn’t quite know what to make of it.

“You’re always welcome in my bed,” he says without thinking, then blushes. “I mean, you’re always welcome to stay. As long as you want.”

“Who says I’m comin’ back?”

Jared turns redder. “I mean, I assumed…” He trails off when he hears Jensen laughing again.

“Dude, you gotta relax a little. Seriously.”

“Sorry,” Jared mumbles into his shoulder. He feels very small and very young.

“Not regretting it already, are you?” Jensen asks after a moment.

“God no!” he immediately counters. “I don’t regret it at all!” He slides an arm around Jensen’s waist and curls up against his side. “Whatever the opposite of regretting is, that’s how I feel.”

“Well that’s good I guess,” Jensen replies. When Jared glances over at him, he’s staring up at the ceiling, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. “Y’know that I can’t uh…I can’t be your like. Boyfriend.”

Jared’s heart sinks. He knew this was coming. Of course the date wouldn’t matter, the fun wouldn’t matter, the jokes and smiles and kisses wouldn’t matter. Still, he’s desperate and will take whatever he can get. “We can still…whatever this is, right? Spend time? Sometimes fuck around?”

Jensen’s shoulders lift nonchalantly. “Yeah, I guess. When I’m not working or whatever.”

Jared grins a little and presses his lips to Jensen’s skin again. “Awesome.”

“And I can get one of those pre-paid cell phone things,” Jensen continues, avoiding Jared’s gaze. “Sid’s always complaining about you’re always calling.”

Jared’s grin widens. “You’d do that?”

Jensen shrugs. “Makes it easier, I guess. Keeps you from going out looking for me. If I don’t answer, I’m working and you’ll know not to bother going to my part of town.” He finally looks over at Jared, his piercing green eyes meeting the teen’s. He looks old beyond his years in that moment, like he’s lived too many of them, for once not glib and playful, and Jared suddenly finds it hard to draw enough air. “Does it really not bother you?” he asks. “The whole hooker thing?”

Jared’s tongue flicks out over his lips and he drops his gaze. “I want you. I’ll take you as you are. I don’t have the right to tell you to change. And I mean…at least I know about it, right? So it’s not some big dirty secret.”

Jensen hums. For several minutes they just lie there, Jared all but clinging to Jensen, then the older boy abruptly sits up. “I’m starving,” he declares. “You got any food?”

In a weird way, Jared thinks, it’s the perfect way to end the conversation – their not-really-a-moment. He smiles.


	5. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are great for Jensen and Jared. For about twelve hours.

They manage to keep their hands off each other for almost three hours, long enough to make hot pockets and eat half a box of Cocoa Puffs and to nearly ruin the kitchen in an ill-fated attempt at nachos, as well as game enough that Jensen starts winning once in a while, a fact which he crows loudly about as Jared laughs. They chase each other back up the stairs after that, trading heated kisses and touches as they go, and the rest of the night is just as wonderful as the beginning – at least Jared thinks so, because by the time they finally flop to the bed, exhausted, he’s come three times. He immediately cozies up to Jensen, a content smile on his face. It widens when Jensen doesn’t push him away, and he winds his arms around Jensen’s waist, pulling him flush against him, back to chest. He kisses the side of Jensen’s neck, and they lay in silence for nearly five minutes, catching their breath.

“Do you like it? What you do?” Jared asks finally, sleepily, his breath tickling Jensen’s ear. He knows it’s probably an inappropriate question, but the three orgasms have kind of thrown all sense of propriety right out of his mind.

“Do I like having sex with strangers for money? Gee, Jared, what d’you think?” Jensen doesn’t pull away, but he does turn his face into the pillow. Jared flushes and presses his face into Jensen’s neck.

“Sorry. I’m just…I’m curious. Can’t help it.”

After a moment, Jensen sighs. “It’s okay. Ask whatever. Can’t hurt.”

Jared takes a few minutes to think, trying to sort through his thousands of questions to pick the ones he’s most desperate to know the answers to. He feels a little less awkward now, at least, and pleased that Jensen is opening up. “How long have you been doing it?”

“Since I was sixteen,” Jensen answers. His voice is a little softer, his answer almost hesitant. Jared’s arms tighten involuntarily around him.

“How old are you now?” he mumbles into the older boy’s shoulder.

“Twenty one.”

Jared hadn’t realized how close in age they really were. Jensen looks young, sure, but in an old way, like he’s seen a lot and done a lot, and Jared had kind of assumed he was older than 21. “If you could do anything with your life,” he says slowly, “anything at all, what would it be?”

Jensen chuckles softly. “I’d be rich as hell with a nice-ass house like this one. And I’d help Sid out, set him up with a five star restaurant or something.”

Jared can’t help grinning, but he shakes his head. “I mean like, a career, or school, or settling down or traveling around,” he elaborates. He can’t really see Jensen being confined to a cubicle, or a lecture hall, or a yard with a white picket fence, but maybe learning on his own, taking courses in whatever he feels like whenever he’s in one place long enough. He can see him with a leather jacket and a bike. He likes that image.

“Ain’t smart enough for school or a job or anything. Travelling, I guess. Yeah, I’d go to Nevada or France or something.” Jared gives himself a mental pat on the back for reading Jensen so well, but the first part of Jensen’s answer bothers him.

“You seem pretty smart to me,” Jared says. “Just like, you got stuck in some bad situations, that’s all.”

“Nothing is wrong with my situation,” Jensen retorts, drawing away from the younger boy. “I’d rather turn tricks than be fuckin’ boring.”

“You could never be boring,” Jared replies sincerely. Something in his tone must appease Jensen, because he chuckles and settles back against him.

“Any more questions? Else I’m gonna fall asleep,” he mumbles.

“Why’d you start?” Jared presses his face into Jensen’s neck again, smelling his own cologne on Jensen’s skin and liking the way it makes him warm inside. “I mean, you don’t have to say.”

Jensen is silent for so long that Jared wonders if he actually _did_ fall asleep. When he speaks, it’s slow, soft, but totally matter-of-fact. “After I got kicked out, I went to the city. Took me a while, and most of my money in bus fares and motels. Anyway. After like a week, I was outta money. Couldn’t even get food. I was sittin’ outside a McDonald’s and a guy just walked up to me, said he’d gimme twenty bucks to suck his cock. So I did it.” Jensen shrugs a little. “It was easy money. Better ‘n stealing.”

Jared presses his lips to the place right beneath Jensen’s ear and holds him a little closer. “I’m glad I met you,” he says quietly, not intending to change the subject, but unable to keep from speaking his mind.

“So’m I,” Jensen mumbles. “But don’t get a big head about it.”

Grinning widely, Jared turns his face into Jensen’s neck. “Yeah?”

Jensen shrugs. “I mean. You’re not so bad.”

“That’s high praise, coming from you,” Jared laughs, and Jensen chuckles in response.

“Yup. Kinda is.”

Jared takes a moment to just feel – Jensen in his arms, the cool sheets over them, the soft tickle of Jensen’s hair on his face. He could stay like this all week and be perfectly content. Finally, though, he speaks shyly. “Wanna roll over so I can kiss you again before I fall asleep?”

He feels Jensen take a deep breath, then the older boy turns and slides his fingers up into Jared’s hair to pull him in for a slow, soft kiss. Jared can’t help smiling against Jensen’s smooth lips. He keeps the kiss chaste, just a press of lips, and tightens his arms around Jensen’s waist. Jensen pulls back much sooner than Jared would like, his fingers slipping over Jared’s neck, tracing out constellations of freckles and red marks.

“What’re you gonna tell your friends when they see all these?” Jensen smirks.

“Absolutely nothing. I’ll just give ‘em a smile and let ‘em wonder,” Jared chuckles, and he leans in to brush his lips against the corner of Jensen’s lips.

“And if any of ‘em have paying jobs, you give ‘em my number,” Jensen adds.

Jared gives a small, strained laugh. “They’re pretty much all straight, but I can let the girls know, I guess.” He really doesn’t want to think about Jensen touching anyone but him, and especially not people he knows. The idea makes him feel a little sick. He hates it.

“Sweet,” Jensen replies with a grin. “All right. Go to sleep.” He kisses Jared one more time and rolls back over, settling against Jared’s chest. Jared doesn’t realize how tired he is until he falls asleep in minutes.

When Jared wakes up the next morning, it’s to an empty bed, the sheets not even warm, and he has to fight down the sick, heavy disappointment that curls around his heart. He sighs and slips out of bed, heading downstairs to get some cereal, intending to curl up on the couch and watch bad TV all day. Maybe call Chad and lament at him for an hour or four. But before he can make it to the kitchen, he spots Jensen curled up on the couch with a blanket, coffee, and one of Jared’s mother’s smutty romance novels with some kind of busty pirate wench on the cover. He can’t help a huge grin from splitting his face. “Morning,” he says brightly.

“Morning,” Jensen replies, frowning at the pages without looking up. “Jesus Christ, this is bullshit. No one can deep throat some eight inch ‘throbbing member’ on her first goddamn try.”

Jared laughs, beyond pleased that Jensen is sticking around, and plops onto the couch beside him, glancing at the offending passage and grimacing a little at the prose. “They’re just published wet dreams for women, they’re not supposed to be accurate.”

“Your mom has a shitton of these things,” Jensen says. He’s still concentrating hard on the paperback, but takes a sip of coffee.

“Yeah, it’s how she unwinds after work,” Jared chuckles. He gets up again, brushing a hand down Jensen’s arm. “I’m gonna grab some cereal. Want any?”

“Already ate. You’re outta Cap’n Crunch.”

“Dude, how long have you been up?” Jared calls from the kitchen, pulling out a box of Cocoa Puffs instead.

“Since like, five?” Jensen returns.

Jared leaves the box on the counter and goes into the fridge for the milk. “No wonder you’re almost done that thing,” he says, louder this time to carry past the fridge door. “You could’ve woken me up. I wouldn’t mind.” He quickly pours the milk and takes his bowl back into the living room.

“Yeah, but the look on your face when you came downstairs thinkin’ I was gone was worth it,” Jensen says, casually flipping a page as Jared sits back down beside him, their thighs pressed together as Jared eats.

“What? How?” he asks around a mouthful of cereal.

Jensen chuckles. “’Cause you looked so fuckin’ upset.”

“Well I mean, I really was,” Jared admits.

Jensen finally raises his eyes to meet Jared’s. “You’re weird,” he declares.

“I’ve been told,” he replies distractedly, taking another bite of cereal, trying desperately to figure out what the hell is going on in Jensen’s head. He sees Jensen set down his coffee mug out of the corner of his eye, and Jensen sighs heavily.

“So. You’re glad I’m here still so we can get a morning quickie, right?”

“I’m too tired to fuck,” Jared laughs. “I just wanna spend more time with you.”

Jensen looks at him like he’s seriously questioning Jared’s sanity, but shrugs. “Whatever. I’m gonna finish this though.” He picks up the novel again, lying back against the arm of the couch and resting his legs over Jared’s lap. Jared grins to himself as he turns the TV on to Cartoon Network, utterly unashamed, and finishes his cereal while watching some silly animated short. Almost as soon as he does so, Jensen tosses the book down on the coffee table, scoffing.

“That’s why I don’t read books,” he grunts. “Shitty endings.”

“That’s not a book, that’s trash,” Jared replies with a small laugh, running his hand up and down Jensen’s thigh. “There’s a difference.”

“It’s an insult to my profession.”

“It’s an insult to pretty much everyone.”

Jensen snorts and grabs his mug, then rolls off Jared’s lap and starts back towards the kitchen. Jared follows him. As Jensen’s setting the mug by the sink, Jared comes up behind him, running his hands down his sides. “Did you enjoy last night?” he asks, not for the first time, but he needs the reassurance. He feels a little better when Jensen leans back into his touch.

“Yeah, Jared, I did. God, how many times do I have to tell you that?” he snorts, rolling his eyes, but Jared likes to flatter himself that it’s affectionate.

“’Cause I can’t believe I would actually be good enough for someone like you. Not like I’ve done this a whole lot.” Jared bites his lip and rests his chin on Jensen’s shoulder, his hands stilling on his waist.

“For someone like me?” Jensen asks. He takes a step forward, out of Jared’s arms, and turns around, staring intensely at Jared.

“Yeah. Someone so…amazing,” Jared replies. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I mean, you’re gorgeous, for one, and confident, and you actually know what you’re doing in bed, and that’s basically everything I’m not.”

Jensen rolls his eyes and sidesteps past Jared. “Knock it off, Country Club. I know what I am. I don’t need that bullshit.”

“Knock what off?” Jared asks helplessly, hurrying after Jensen as he heads for the stairs. “I’m being serious!”

“And that’s why it’s so fucking fucked up!” Jensen exclaims, not turning around as he snatches his clothes up off Jared’s floor and starts yanking them on. “You think I’m all this shit that I’m not. ‘Cept for being a good fuck. You shouldn’t fuckin’ look up to me, kid. I’m a shitty role model.”

“I…I’m sorry?” Jared manages, almost bewildered, but knowing that he really doesn’t want Jensen to go. He walks up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Please stay,” he begs.

Jensen takes a deep breath and finally stills, fully dressed. “Jay. No. We had fun and all but you deserve way better than me. I gotta go.” He pushes past Jared again to go back down the stairs.

“There’s no such thing as better. You’re amazing,” Jared insists, grabbing Jensen’s upper arm. “You’re perfect.”

Wrenching out of Jared’s grasp, Jensen looks like fire and lightning and a hurricane all at once. “Stop!” he half shouts. “Just fucking _stop_!”

Jared would be less hurt if Jensen had just punched him in the face. He doesn’t say anything. He just swallows hard, drops his hands to his sides, and nods.

“I…I gotta go,” Jensen repeats, voice low and hollow. He walks briskly to the door and closes it firmly behind him.

Jared watches the door from the top of the stairs for a long few minutes, then silently returns to his room, sinking to his bed and burying his face in his hands. He doesn’t understand how everything he does is always so wrong.


	6. Here Today...

Jared hasn’t spent a single hour of the last week not thinking about Jensen and how they left things. He hasn’t heard from Jensen since. He just wants to apologize, badly – so he plugs Jensen’s name into Google and manages to hunt down his apartment, in a building that Jared is sure doesn’t meet any fire codes, in the bad part of town. He feels acutely out of place in his expensive jeans and new t-shirt, staring up at the old brick building with its rickety fire escape tucked into an alley. The front door is open, the lock busted, and Jared slips inside, avoiding the iron grated service elevator and instead taking the back stairs.

Jensen’s room is tucked into a corner, right by the stairwell. Jared double-checks the number he has written on a scrap of paper in his pocket. It’s right. He takes a deep breath and raps firmly on the door.

There’s no answer. Jared tries again, then presses his ear to the door. He’s pretty sure he can hear something going on inside, maybe the TV, so he tries the door. To his utter surprise it actually creaks open.

“Jensen?” he calls into the dim apartment. The tiny TV is turned off, screen dark where it rests on an upturned milk crate, pulled up close to a dirty brown couch with the arm split open. He can see past the couch to the bedroom door behind it, and he starts slowly and cautiously in that direction. A cry comes from inside, some kind of mix of pain and pleasure that Jared can’t even begin to decipher – but it’s unmistakably Jensen. He freezes, something inside him contracting painfully. He immediately flees the apartment, closing the door firmly behind him and leaning against it with his eyes squeezed shut, wishing he could do the same to his ears.

It feels like hours later – but it’s probably closer to twenty minutes – that the door is yanked open and Jared falls backwards against the shins of a large, chuckling man. He scrambles to his feet and stumbles back until he hits the opposite wall. The man just smirks at him.

“Don’t bother with the whore, kid,” he snorts. “He’s loose as all fuck. Not worth the money.” He shakes his head, still smirking, and walks away, leaving Jensen’s apartment wide open behind him. Jared wants to leave. He wants to punch the smug smile off the asshole’s face. He wants to beat him into the ground, to run inside and grab Jensen tight and never let him go, but all he seems able to do is trip forward into the apartment once again. This time he walks straight into the bedroom and bites his lip hard, stifling a gasp when he sees the state Jensen’s in.

“Jen,” he says softly, eyes glued to the man spread out on his stomach, bruises scattered over his hips and sides, blood smeared on the dirty sheets. He barely even notices the wad of twenties on the nightstand.

Jensen turns his head, lazily looking up, but his eyes widen when he sees Jared, and he sits bolt upright, grabbing for the sheet to yank up over his bare body. He winces with the movement. “What the hell are you doing here?” he snaps.

“I came to see you, I wanted to…I dunno…see you?” Jared attempts, his brow furrowed in concern. He wants to move in closer, to clean off the blood and heal the bruises, but he feels like that will only make Jensen angry.

“Well, you saw me, so you can get the fuck out,” Jensen retorts, wrapping the sheet more firmly around himself and crawling out of bed. He manages to get to his feet but only with the aid of the wall, one hand pressed firmly against it. Jared darts over to him, one hand resting on his lower back for support.

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly.

“I’m not fucki—no, I’m not.” Jensen’s eyes close and he takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I…I need help,” he mutters. He turns back to the bed and tries to ease himself back into it. Jared helps him, a hand on his shoulder and one on his waist, guiding Jensen onto his stomach. He puts one hand gently between Jensen’s shoulder blades, rubbing up and down comfortingly.

“What can I do?” Jared whispers. “How can I help?”

Jensen buries his face in the pillows. His reply is muffled. “Count the money he left.”

Feeling a little sick and refusing to move his hand from Jensen’s back, Jared grabs the wad of twenties and counts them out. He can practically feel the sleeze radiating off them. “Three hundred,” he says, doing his best to ignore the way the bile rises in his throat.

Jensen snorts. “Good. Least he didn’t rip me off.” He turns his head, looking up at Jared. “There’s a jar under the bed,” he says. “Can you put it in there?”

Jared does as requested, reaching far under the bed to pull out a grimy glass mason jar full of bills, large and small. He pushes the wad inside, then returns the jar to its place. He quickly sits back on the side of the bed, running his fingers softly through Jensen’s hair. “Do you want me to get you some water or something? Grab another blanket?” he asks, feeling useless and helpless.

“’M Fine,” Jensen mumbles into his pillow. Jared stays silent for a while, just in case Jensen has more to say, and his wait pays off – Jensen sighs heavily. “Just like. Forgive me for acting like a freak last time you saw me.”

Jared smiles a little. “I was never mad. Just a little confused.”

“You kept calling me perfect,” Jensen mutters. “Do I look fuckin’ perfect to you?” He laughs dryly.

Leaning down, Jared presses a kiss between Jensen’s shoulder blades. “Maybe you could use a little cleaning up, but you’re still Jen, and you’re still perfect ‘cause of that.”

“I’m not fuckin’ kidding, call me perfect again and I’ll punch you in the face,” Jensen grumbles, shifting on the bed so he’s a little further away from Jared. He’s quiet for a few minutes. Finally, he glances up at Jared once more. “I’m sorry you had to. Like. See all that.”

Jared shrugs. “It’s all right. I’m actually glad I came by. I wouldn’t want you to be all alone after that. I mean, how boring to be holed up in here without anyone to talk to, right?” He quirks a small grin, trying to keep the tone of the conversation light. He wants to see Jensen smile, even if it’s one of those dry half-ones that hardly count as smiles at all. He’s rewarded with a soft chuckle.

“Usually, my neighbor comes over to check after each client. I do the same for her. She’s out of town, though.”

“Oh,” Jared says simply. He rubs Jensen’s neck with one hand and moves a little closer to him. “If there’s anything I can do, tell me right away, yeah?”

Jensen shifts onto his side and pulls Jared down to kiss him softly. “For now just uh. Stay here?” he requests. “Anyone comes to the door, just tell ‘em to go away, I’m takin’ the night off.” Jared can’t help grinning, loving that Jensen kissed him, and loving even more that Jensen wants him to stay.

“I can do that,” he agrees, lips brushing against Jensen’s.

“Thanks,” Jensen mumbles. “Last time, dude didn’t give a fuck. Fucked me anyway.” He snorts and shakes his head.

Jared feels a surge of anger towards that nameless, faceless man, and he takes Jensen’s hand, squeezing it. “I’m not gonna let anyone do that,” he promises.

Jensen stares at him for a moment, then draws his hand away, tucking it under his pillow. “It’s no big deal. Just annoying.”

Not put off at all, Jared returns his hand to Jensen’s shoulder instead of his now pillow-hidden hand. “Still. Anyone who does that doesn’t deserve you.” The reply he gets is an exasperated sigh.

“It’s not about _deserving_ , Jared. It’s just a fucking job. You just don’t get it.”

“I know. I’m just saying,” Jared replies softly.

“Look,” Jensen huffs. “It’s great that you give half a damn. Not like anyone else does. But seriously. Don’t fuckin’ worry about me. Worry about you.”

“I’m not worrying,” Jared protests. “I’m just. Y’know. Caring.”

“Yeah, well, it’s caring too much that I’m worried about.”

Jared chuckles wryly. “Yeah. That could really suck for me.” _Too late_ , he thinks, fingers tracing idly over Jensen’s shoulder blades. Jensen just nods in response. He shifts his weight, then turns his head to the side, looking askance at Jared.

“Jay,” he says. “I gotta tell you something.”

“Sure, anything,” Jared agrees, continuing to brush his fingers over Jensen’s skin. Jensen sighs and tilts up his head, resting his chin on the pillow and staring at the faintly stained wall instead of Jared.

“I’m leaving,” he says shortly.

Jared’s stomach drops to somewhere around his knees, and his hand stills. “Leaving? To where?” he asks, his voice only shaking a little.

Jensen shrugs. He avoids Jared’s eye. “Dunno. Somewhere else. A new city. Maybe like, Detroit or Chicago or something.”

Jared bites his lip and nods. “When?”

“As soon as I have the money,” Jensen replies. “Almost there. Just one more trick, maybe. Gotta pay some dues, buy a bus ticket, then I’m gone.”

Jared takes a deep, shaky breath, and ducks his head. He nods again, unable to speak without choking on the words.

Jensen finally looks over at him, his expression soft and almost a little sad. “It’s better this way,” he says quietly. Jared shakes his head and Jensen sighs. “I’m not doing you any good, Jay.”

“I’ve been happier since I met you,” Jared confesses in a whisper. “I’m not trying to get you to do anything, I just…I thought you should know. And I’m gonna miss you.”

“How the hell have I made you any happier?” Jensen asks, but he doesn’t sound angry, just tired. “I’m the total fucking opposite of happy. I’m closed off, I’m angry, just…fuck, Jared, you don’t need my bullshit in your country club life.”

“Maybe I don’t need it, but I want it.” Jared shrugs, shifting so his legs are hanging over the edge of the bed, Jensen lying behind him. He stares down at his hands, folded in his lap. “I guess that makes me a little crazy, huh?”

“I’m never gonna be what you want,” Jensen continues, almost to himself. “I’m always gonna be like this. I’m no good for you. Let’s just not make this a big damn thing when I leave. Got it?”

Jared swallows hard. “Can I lie down with you?” he asks. He can’t think about Jensen leaving. He just wants to hold him while he’s here. He wants to memorize exactly how Jensen feels in his arms, the rumble in his chest when he laughs, the fine scratch of stubble on his cheek. He wants to be able to remember this on cold nights when he’s alone with his thoughts and his pillows, too soft to be Jensen. He needs to keep these memories forever.

There’s a pause before Jensen nods. “Grab a sheet from the closet first.” He climbs out of bed, stiffly but without visibly wincing, and pulls on a pair of underwear. He strips the mattress of the blood and sweat stained sheets and drops them by the side of the bed while Jared fetches the sheet and spreads it over the now bare mattress. He watches Jensen carefully for any sign of pain.

“Quit looking at me like I’m gonna fall apart,” Jensen says as he rolls his eyes, jumping back on the bed and bouncing a little. Jared isn’t completely convinced it isn’t an act, but at least Jensen is well enough to put on a façade. He shrugs his apology and grabs the blanket from the floor before slipping into bed with Jensen. He can’t help noticing how hard the mattress is, how worn the sheets, and wishes he could pick Jensen up and carry him home to his own comfortable bed. Instead he pulls Jensen into his arms, chest to chest, resting their foreheads together. He’s rewarded with a soft smile and a chuckle, and Jensen drapes an arm over Jared’s waist. “I’m not a cuddler,” Jensen tells him, even as he tangles their legs, pulling Jared closer.

“I’m not either,” Jared says in a sweet, teasing tone, tilting his head to one side to kiss Jensen tenderly. Jensen brushes some of the hair from Jared’s eyes, smiling faintly.

“How’re things with you?” he asks. “I’m self-centered as fuck and never ask.”

Jared laughs lightly. “There’s nothing to tell. I’m finishing up finals. Working at the deli down the street from my house. My life is boring.”

“No like, girl trouble?”

“My buddy Chad got dumped but that’s about it,” Jared replies. “Seriously, nothing happens to me. Except you.” He kisses Jensen again, slowly, but with feeling behind it, one hand touching the side of his face, trying to tell him how glad he is that Jensen happened.

“You’re gonna have to make things happen for yourself, once I’m gone,” Jensen whispers against his lips.

“I don’t wanna think about that,” Jared says firmly. “I just wanna have this, here, now.”

Jensen’s lips press softly to his neck. “Whatever, I’ll let you have your love affair for tonight. I won’t even bitch when you get girly.”

“I’m not gonna get girly,” Jared protests.

“You always get girly,” Jensen snorts. “But it’s kinda cute.”

“It’s your fault. You’re the one who makes me all emotional.”

“If you cry on me I’m kicking you out.”

“I haven’t cried since I was thirteen,” Jared informs him. “Not my thing.” He flattens his hand against Jensen’s lower back and draws him closer to kiss him once again. Jensen’s return kiss is more passionate than usual, and Jared fancies it’s him saying how much he’ll miss him, how he cares about Jared and doesn’t really want to go. He kisses back with equal fervor, tasting pure Jensen and loving how skillfully his lips and tongue move. He doesn’t know how many more kisses he’ll get, so he decides to make this one count. When Jared finally breaks the kiss to take a few shaky breaths, Jensen speaks.

“I hate what I do,” he confesses, barely a whisper. He drops his gaze from Jared’s. “I didn’t hate it ‘til I met you. Then I gave a shit about what you thought. If I could…fuck, if I could go back, do it the hell over, I’d do it so different.”

Jared is silent, his throat tight. “I never meant to do that,” he whispers. “I don’t care what you do. It’s not who you are.”

For once it’s Jensen who holds Jared tight. “Thanks,” he mutters into the younger boy’s neck.

Jared can hear the wailing of a siren on the street, someone shouting a racial epithet, but all he cares about is the sound of Jensen’s breath in his ear, the steady thumping of his heart against Jared’s chest. The rest of the world is nothing if he doesn’t have Jensen. Less than nothing.

They don’t leave the bed until the sun rises.


	7. Happily Ever After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's three years later, and Jared has moved on. Mostly.

Jared has moved on. Jensen left, and he left without saying goodbye, and that doesn’t matter at all, not even a little. At least, he tells himself that. If sometimes he falls asleep thinking of laughing eyes and smirking lips, that’s nobody’s business but his own, and if sometimes he wakes up with a lump in his throat and stinging eyes, no one ever has to know.

He’s not thinking about Jensen three years later when he hears the knock on his dorm room door. He’s thinking about his cute RA, the one he fucked two weeks ago and hasn’t spoken to since. It’s the RA he’s hoping to see, but it’s Jensen who’s there, and the RA has never made his heart leap into his throat like this.

“Hi,” he breathes after an eternity of just staring.

Jensen looks good. Really good. He’s healthy and filled out, his features softened, wearing clean clothes, more mature and somehow less overtly sexual but more sensuous. His eyes and his smile, however, are just the same, and Jared is so glad for it his heart aches.

“Hey,” Jensen says, one side of his mouth quirking up. “You okay? Look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Without missing a beat, Jared grabs Jensen into a tight bear hug, burying his face in his neck. “I missed you,” he whispers fiercely. “I missed you so much.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jensen replies. His voice sounds almost as thick and strained as Jared’s feels. He pats his back twice, letting his hand linger the second time, then pulls back from the hug with a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Uh, think I can come in?”

Jared laughs, unable to help it. “If you don’t come in I’ll be pretty damn pissed,” he says with a smile that threatens to split his face in half. He hauls Jensen into the room and stands there for a long moment, just looking at him, so happy to see him that he can’t even put two words together. He just watches Jensen look around the room, stopping in front of some of the books that Jared brought from home, his old desk lamp, his chair.

“Sorry it took me so damn long,” Jensen says finally, looking up at Jared’s face. “I would’ve called or something but…it would’ve been a bad idea.”

“How’d you even find me?” Jared asks, terminally curious.

Jensen smiles a little. “Your mom,” he answers. “No, really. I told her I was a high school friend of yours who lost touch. She gave me your address.”

Jared smiles widely back. “Well I’ll have to remember to give her a hell of a hug next time I see her,” he chuckles. Close to his words, he pulls Jensen back into another hug, gentler this time, and when he pulls away it’s after a soft kiss to the side of his neck, impulsive and instinctive. He feels Jensen smile against his own skin.

“I um. I wanted to talk, actually,” Jensen says as he pulls back from the hug and steps away. “Is there like a bar or something around here?”

“There’s a good place down the block from here, but I mean, I have beers in the minifridge,” Jared offers.

Jensen shakes his head. “Nah. I’d rather go out. Figure I owe you a beer anyway.”

“Sure,” Jared says, nodding. He grabs his jacket from the back of his desk chair, and pockets his wallet and cell. “Mind if we walk? It’s not far and it’s pretty nice out.”

“A walk sounds good,” Jensen replies. They head out of the dorm in silence, but once they’re outside and headed along the leaf-strewn sidewalk, Jensen shoves his hands into his pockets and glances over at Jared. “So. What’ve you been doing all this time?”

“A lot of studying, a little bit of partying,” Jared says with a shrug. “I’m just over halfway through my degree. And yet somehow I still enjoy the material. Guess I chose right.” He laughs softly to himself, then looks over at Jensen. “What about you?” he asks. “You look…” he pauses, searching for the right word. “Clean.”

Jensen laughs, open and sincere, a laugh that makes Jared smile in return. “Well, I showered today, so that must be it. What’re you studying?”

Sensing that Jensen doesn’t want to talk about himself, Jared is more than happy to answer him. “Government, with a focus on public policy,” Jared replies. “I’m kinda tossing around the idea of law school, but I dunno yet. I wanna do something to help people. I don’t know how much of that I can do from behind a desk.”

“Law school?” Jensen repeats, his eyebrows lifting in clear amazement. “Well if that’s not respectable as shit I dunno what is.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jared chuckles. “But like I said, I’ll see.”

Jensen nods his understanding.

The rest of the walk is brief and full of small-talk, Jared telling Jensen about his classes and friends, Jensen giving non-answers to any of Jared’s return questions and always directing the topic back to Jared. They request a table at the back and order a pair of beers. Jared tries to keep some space between them, but he can’t manage to keep from spreading his legs enough that their knees touch beneath the table.

They drink in thoughtful silence for a while, until Jared finally speaks.

“So what’d you want to tell me?” he asks.

Jensen looks up at him, licking his lips, then back down at his bottle. “You know how I said before that calling you wouldn’t’ve been good?”

Jared nods, waiting patiently and nursing his beer.

Jensen takes a deep breath. “So it’s kind of a long story but uh. When I left, I tried to go far, like, make it to the coast. I ended up in Detroit, God knows why. There’s nothing there but graffiti and despair, y’know? But anyway. I used the last of my cash to rent a room in some piece of shit motel and set up shop with the other hookers. For a while it was just same song, different verse, living day to day on what I could scrape up sucking off closeted middle aged douchebags. Got arrested a few times, but never got held more’n a few hours, and I always had just enough cash to pay the fines. But things were tight, so I started picking up shifts at this real seedy strip joint. This one dude shows up, offers to pimp for me, says he can make me two grand a night, minimum. Usually I do this shit alone, know that pimps are bad news, but I was desperate to get out of there, so I signed on, figured I could just leave if shit got bad.

“I never saw that two grand, not even close. Fucker kept almost all of it. And I don’t put up with that kinda bullshit. So I went to him and told him straight up to give me the ten grand he owed me or I’d rat his pimply ass out to every damn cop in the city. He just laughed at first, but when he saw how damn serious I was, he sobered up real fast. Told me he had a select group of clientele. He’d give me the money he owed me, plus let me keep a larger cut of what I earned, if I saw a few of ‘em. I said why the fuck not. Best decision of my life.”

Jared frowns a little. “Best decision? How so?”

Jensen chuckles and takes a long swallow of beer. “Turns out, ‘select clientele’ was code for the S&M crowd. And I’m not talking casual bondage. I mean hard fuckin’ core, cat o’ nine tails and latex and melted wax and knives and shit. Most nights I just got shackled up and spaced out, didn’t care what was going on as long as I got paid. And fuck but I got paid. Made out real well. Even got a real apartment. A couple of times I woke up in the hospital after I got choked a little too long or whatever, but most of the time I’d just wake up with one of the other whores cleaning me up, makin’ sure I was still breathing. I didn’t get off on it at all, shit just happened, I got paid, we all went home happy.

“Then this one guy came. One who changed everything, as corny as that is.” He snorts in amusement to himself. “But he did, seriously. Told me he wanted to play around with a whip, like an honest to God bullwhip. Said he’d gimme fifteen hundred so of course I said hell yeah. Probably shouldn’t’ve, but y’know. I’m not all that bright.

“Woke up in the ICU a week later. One of the girls was in my room, clutching my hand and bawling. Said the guy whipped me for half an hour, maybe more, and she heard that whip cracking long after I stopped yellin’. She said she ran in as soon as he left and just started screaming, there was so much blood. Bastard took all my money, too, but I didn’t know that then.

“Anyway. Took about three months ‘fore I could leave the hospital. My back’s scarred to hell now, back of my thighs too. I tried to find the pimp but he skipped town – my story ended up in the papers, see, and he got scared.” He pauses, staring down at his hands, running one thumb over his palm. “Even after that, tried whoring again. ‘Cause I’m stupid like that. But no one’d pay for me after they saw my back. Said it was gross. They didn’t wanna touch me.”

Jared can’t even focus his thoughts after hearing his story. He reaches out and puts a hand on Jensen’s back, stroking up and down over the fabric. He can’t feel the scars through the cotton, but now that he knows they’re there, he wants to touch them, to kiss each one, to go over them with his own skin until he’s erased every trace of hurt.

“I still want to touch you,” he says eventually, softly, eyes flickering over Jensen’s face.

Jensen smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “That’s sweet, Jay. Really. But I’m not here ‘cause of that. I’m here to apologize. I know I didn’t…I know I left shit in kind of a bad way, so I’m trying to make amends ‘cause I’ve hurt you more than anyone else I’ve ever known. So, I’m sorry.”

Jared pulls Jensen into the best hug he can, given the confinement of the booth. “You don’t need to apologize to me,” he murmurs. “But if it makes you feel better, apology accepted.”

He’s surprised to feel Jensen kiss the side of his head. “Thanks man. It does.”

“So what d’you do now?” Jared asks, pulling away but keeping his hand on Jensen’s back. “To make money?”

Jensen smirks wryly. “I work in a clothing store. I sell overpriced hip bullshit to yuppies.”

Jared laughs with relief. “Could be way worse.”

“Yeah, trust me, I ain’t complaining,” Jensen snorts, finishing off his beer. “I even have an apartment. Got a roommate and everything. But don’t worry, I haven’t found Jesus or anything.”

“So you haven’t given up on guys then,” Jared says as casually as he can, trying to hide the hopeful tone in his voice.

“You kidding me? That’d be like giving up on food ‘cause you hurled once.”

Jared laughs again, grinning down at his empty bottle. “Guess so.” He glances back over at Jensen, his gaze heated, eyes dark. “So if like, I kissed you when we got back to my room…”

Jensen meets his eyes, his own expression unreadable. “You sure you wanna do that?”

Jared nods slowly. “I’ve been thinking about you ever since you left. Not every minute of every day, but…every so often.”

“I didn’t come here for that,” Jensen says quietly. He doesn’t break eye contact. “What I did…it wasn’t fair to you. I strung you along and shit. But I thought about you, too. A lot. Sometimes just…your face would be in my head and I’d wonder why the fuck I left.”

“Are you staying tonight?” Jared asks, matching Jensen’s volume, his heart in his throat with anxious anticipation. When Jensen only shrugs, he bites his lower lip. “’Cause I’d really like it if you did.”

To his relief, Jensen grins. “Okay. Guess I can stay for one night.”

Jared returns the grin with one that’s wide and brilliant. “Really?”

“Don’t look so surprised,” Jensen chuckles.

“I guess I’m just a little amazed that you still like me enough to stay,” Jared laughs.

Jensen shakes his head. “For a smart kid, you’re really fuckin’ dumb.”

“Let’s go back to my room,” Jared suggests, dropping a few bills on the table to cover the tab. “We can talk more there, yeah?”

Jensen gives a nod but grabs Jared’s money and tosses it back at him. “Keep that. Told you I wanted to take you for a beer. I got this.” He takes some money out of his wallet (used, from the Salvation Army, but in pretty good condition – it just looks like he’s owned it for a few years) and drops it on the table. Jared tucks his own bills back into his pocket and tugs on his jacket. About thirty minutes of silence and awkward glances later they’re in Jared’s dorm again, and Jared sits in his desk chair, swiveling it to face Jensen, seated on his bed.

“So what did you mean, for a smart kid I’m really dumb?”

Jensen shrugs vaguely and pulls one of Jared’s pillows into his lap, tugging at a thread coming from the case. “Because…because you thought me leaving meant I didn’t care about you,” he says, not meeting Jared’s eye.

Jared’s pretty sure his heart stops. He’s sure that his brain has. “You care about me…?”

“Goddammit Jared, of course I fucking do! If I didn’t you think I’d be here?” Jensen exclaims, almost a laugh.

Jared chuckles dryly and lowers his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “I care about you too,” he admits. “A lot.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jensen smile, a small sideways quirk of his lips. “I know you do.”

Jared jumps to his feet and surges forward, cupping Jensen’s face in his hands and kissing him soundly. He pours everything into the kiss that he’s been repressing for three endlessly long years. He kisses him like he’s drowning and only Jensen can save him, like he wants to lose himself in the kiss and never come back. He buries his fingers in Jensen’s short-cropped hair, soft for once, not caked with gel, and kisses him hard and deep and desperate.

“Jared,” Jensen gasps after a moment, barely breaking the kiss, his lips brushing against Jared’s with every syllable. “Jared, please, just…just touch me.”

“You’d have to kill me to keep me from touching you,” Jared breathes, hands running feverishly down Jensen’s chest, climbing onto the bed so he can straddle his lap, then tracing searing paths up his back, eventually pushing the fabric aside and feeling the odd, hairless, too-soft scarring. It doesn’t repulse Jared. It makes him press closer, touch Jensen more, show him how horribly he missed him.

Jensen lies back on the bed and Jared goes down on top of him, resting his weight on his hands as he hovers above Jensen, letting the other man’s hands roam everywhere on his newly filled-out frame.

“God you’re beautiful,” Jared whispers against Jensen’s lips before kissing him again, slow and sweet and patient while his hands never still in their exploration of Jensen’s body, learning the planes and lines anew. Jensen chuckles breathily and tries to pull off Jared’s shirt. Jared aids him, yanking it off and tugging at Jensen’s as well. Jensen seems a little hesitant, but he pulls it off after a moment.

“If it’s too gross or weird or whatever, we can stop,” he says. “Turn off the lights or whatever.”

Jared shakes his head. “I want you,” he says plainly. “All of you.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything back, just kisses Jared fiercely, arms tight around his neck. It’s minutes before Jared is able to break away, breathing hard, his lips red and kiss-bitten and tingling. Gently and cautiously he guides Jensen onto his stomach, and although he seems reluctant, Jensen goes willingly.

His back is a mass of scar tissue, the jagged lines criss-crossing his pale skin. Jared starts with one that stretches between his shoulder blades, pressing his lips to every inch of it, slow and reverent. Jensen makes a soft sound, something like a muffled sob, his face pressed into Jared’s pillow, but Jared doesn’t stop. He traces each line with his fingertips and lips, taking his time, worshipping Jensen’s body like it’s the most perfect piece of creation, which, of course, to Jared, it is. He works his way lower, to where the scars briefly give way to more or less unmarred skin along the swell of Jensen’s ass.

“Can I?” he murmurs, and Jensen nods wordlessly, shifting so he can undo his own fly and push down the waistband of his jeans and briefs. Jared tugs them the rest of the way off, over Jensen’s calves, then returns to his task, kissing the backs and insides of Jensen’s thighs where they’ve been sliced by the whip. Jensen gasps, hips pressing into the mattress, and his fingers clenching in the blankets.

Jared nuzzles up into the dark space between Jensen’s legs, pushing them apart so he can lick at his hole. Jensen trembles slightly and moans, and Jared becomes only more enthusiastic, mouthing at the dusky skin and working Jensen open with his tongue. Only when Jensen is begging him does Jared pull away.

“Condom,” Jensen groans breathily. “Dunno what I still have.”

Jared nods and fumbles in his nightstand for one, kicking off his jeans and rolling it on with shaking fingers. Jensen makes a move to roll onto his back but Jared stops him with a hand at the base of his spine.

“Jared,” Jensen protests, but Jared hushes him.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, laying atop the other man and kissing between his shoulders. “I don’t care.”

He doesn’t fuck Jensen. He makes love to him, slow and gentle, kissing his neck and shoulders when he can, Jensen’s hips pushing insistently back against Jared’s. There’s something to it that there’s never been before, something deeper and more beautiful and right. Jared moans Jensen’s name as he comes, and he doesn’t even care that Jensen’s cum stains his blanket. Once he’s pulled out and gotten rid of the condom, he tugs off the soiled blanket so they can curl up together atop the sheets. He winds his arms around Jensen’s waist, spooning him, and kisses at his neck.

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to freak?” he asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“Depends what it is,” Jensen replies sleepily.

Jared colors a bit, and is glad that Jensen can’t see him blush. “I think…I mean, I feel things when I’m with you that I don’t feel with anyone else, and I think…I’m afraid…” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I think that maybe I might be falling in love with you.”

Jensen pulls away enough that he can lie on his back, looking up at Jared with a million questions in his eyes. “How do you know?”

“I don’t,” Jared answers, biting his lip. “That’s why the ‘think’ and the ‘maybe.’ It’s just like, I feel things so much _more_ when I’m with you, like beer tastes better, hot is hotter, cold is colder, and I never want to stop kissing you, ever.”

“Huh,” Jensen murmurs, settling more comfortably on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

“Huh? What huh?” Jared asks nervously. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified of what Jensen would say next. He’s expecting something about how he was insane, how they barely knew each other, that he was leaving and never to call him again. He’s scared out of his mind and is positive that Jensen knows.

Jensen shrugs, his demeanor not revealing any anxiety. “I mean, I’m not calling it love or anything. I’m just sayin’ I feel weird when I’m with you. Different. Safe or something. Used to think it was trapped. Now though? I think it’s safe.”

Jared’s heart leaps and he can’t help smiling. “Safe is good. I’m so glad I can make you feel safe,” he laughs with relief.

Jensen grins over at him. “Yeah, me too.”

Jared pulls Jensen up into a soft, slow kiss. “I’m glad you tracked me down, too. Really, really glad.”

Laughing, Jensen shakes his head. “Not like it was hard.”

“Don’t care how easy it was,” Jared replies, crushing Jensen against his chest. “Still glad you did it.”

“So, what should we do now?” Jensen asks him, looking up at the younger man. Jared breaks out into a wide smile.

“Be happy. Be together,” he says, like it’s obvious, and to him it absolutely is. He buries his face in Jensen’s neck, inhaling deeply. “Never leave me again?”

“Never,” Jensen swears, and although Jared can’t see his face, he knows that he’s smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes this story! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed.


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